Recognizing (and dumping) Toxic Relationships

We are aware of the effects of food and poison or toxic chemicals on the body. But are we aware of the effects of toxic relationships on our health? Most of us are not, and that’s why I’m showing you how to recognize (and dump) toxic relationships.

Creating personal boundaries with a chronic illness

Back when I was first diagnosed, I started creating personal boundaries to ensure my success at healing and restoring my body to optimal health. My pain management team could only do so much to make me feel better. There were certain things only I could do, and establishing personal boundaries was one of them.

The first thing I did when creating those boundaries was think of the relationships in my life and how they affected me. I wanted to get well again, and I didn’t want anything or anyone to hold me back. This is my life, and I want to be as well as I possibly can.

Some people did wonders for my mental health, and those were the ones I wanted to surround myself with. For those who made me feel less than great, I immediately cut them out. They were toxic to me and my health in more than one way, so I cut them out—cold turkey—done. Already, I had taken back my health and was restoring it to optimal health. It was a phenomenal feeling that I could have power over who I interacted with and how it affected me.

Exercise: Identify toxic relationships

I want to ask you some questions.

Who surrounds you?

What type of relationships do you have?

How do your relationships make you feel?

Do you realize the impact relationships have on you and your health?

Exercise

1. Write down those individuals you interact with daily/weekly basis.
2. Under each name, write the feelings you associate with each person (Real feelings and not blanketed feelings. Try this wheel of emotions to help or download one to print. )
3. review your list of feelings
4. are they primarily negative for a person? or mostly positive?

*For those primarily negative feelings, that is a toxic relationship to you.

Recognizing Toxic Relationships

Toxic relationships can, and will, impact you one way or another. A common side effect of an unhealthy relationship is stress. Chronic stress can take on actual physical manifestations as well as mental anguish. Over a course of time, chronic stress can lead to complicated health issues.

Chronic stress can cause:

• muscle tension
• headaches
• breathing harder
• increased heart rate
• increase the risk of heart attacks and strokes
• abdominal pains

Sometimes the toxicity someone has on us is immediately apparent. For example, a stranger approaching you in public yelling at you for something you did or didn’t do. Would you allow this to happen? What feelings would it invoke? This is an immediate effect of a toxic interaction.

Other times, it’s less noticeable, more subtle. The feelings of having a toxic person are not always felt immediately, but the damage is just the same (if not more than). Sometimes, we need to take a step back from a relationship to assess the feelings involved and determine how it is affecting us. This is where the exercise discussed above comes handy.

8 Tips for Dumping Toxic Relationships

Up to this point we’ve talked about all the ways to identify toxic people around us. Now how do we get rid of that toxicity?

1. Recognize the toxic relationships.

If you did the exercise listed above, then you’ve already done it. Bravo! If you have not, that’s okay. Do it now and identify those unhealthy faucets.

2. Decide if you want to keep it or repair it.

It’s essential to decide if you want to keep that toxic relationship or dump it. I would say dump it, but there are possibilities that the other person doesn’t realize they are having a negative effect on you. Communicating this is fair to both of you because the relationship can be repaired if it’s an honest overlook for them. On the flip side, their response to you talking about could also lead to a better-informed decision of keeping or dumping.

3. Make a plan of action.

This goes hand in hand with making a decision to dump or repair. If repairing, make plans to meet up on neutral grounds to discuss the issue at hand. If dumping, you could either cut them off as I did or communicate with them about your decision. You can list reasons or not – it’s your choice. You are in control of who surrounds you.

4. Pursue self-growth.

Recognizing the toxicity in your life is the first step in self-growth. Taking the time to evaluate your relationships is a strong indicator that you want to better yourself. Continuing to cultivate that growth involves taking action on those toxic relationships and learning to love yourself.

5. Create personal boundaries.

Learning how to say no is difficult for many people, including me. Read my article Setting Personal Boundaries to learn why you should set personal boundaries and how to do it without feeling guilty.

6. Remind yourself why you are doing it.

If you ever find yourself wondering why you are dumping the toxic relationships in your life, then post a reminder. Sometimes we need a visual reminder of why we are doing the things we are doing in order to inspire us to continue doing it.

7. Continue to assess your relationships periodically.

Like me, you may forget to assess your relationships and unhealthy people will make a place in your life. In order to avoid this, remember to periodically assess your relationships to identify any toxic relationships.

8. Recognize the signs of a toxic relationship.

This helps you to become better at identifying unhealthy relationships before they become too evolved.