Fishes, a Monkey, and Personal Space

February 11, 2016

Today has been an exciting, frustrating, nervous, and tiring day. Many events happened sending me on a roller coaster of emotions. I’m glad the day is gone, and the night is here where I can snuggle up to my husband, and try to have a much needed night of rest.

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The day started with a morning trip to the South Carolina Aquarium with my dad and youngest daughter. Daddy loves to fish, and I knew a trip to the aquarium would be interesting for him. He’s never been, and there is so much to see there. It would definitely hold his interest, and take his mind of the present.

What a success! We loved the animals, seeing the fish, and talking to the employees about the details of the furry residents. My favorite part of the aquarium is the large floor-to-ceiling fish tank located near the gift shop.

It was fun, yet exhausting. Daddy still does not have his strength back, so he’s still using a wheelchair. Even with all the weight he has lost, he is still a tall man heavy to push around. My arms, shoulders, and back are still sore from pushing him, yet I will never regret taking him there. Seeing him happy after everything he’s been through was worth every pain in my body.

Needless to say, after a full day trip downtown, coming home to clean was not going to happen. BUT…it did. And a full dinner was still prepared before attending my youngest son’s kindergarten performance at his elementary school.

My son played a monkey in the kindergarten musical performance. He wore his monkey costume from Halloween when he was Curious George.

He was a little nervous about the performance, but he was excited about it at the same time. I was nervous for him, too. I don’t like crowds, much less perform in front of them. He was excited as he walked on stage, but when the music started, he stared at me the entire time. You don’t need to watch the whole video to see what happens. Haha He really does just stare at me. That night at home I asked him why he stared at me instead of performing. His reply was that he was nervous because I was recording it for Memaw and PaPaw. He’s so cute!

Aside from the performance, the overall experience was exciting with a bit of frustration and being overwhelmed mixed in. The school has twice as many students as allowed, so the auditorium was PACKED with people. Rows deep of people were standing in the back with my family and me included. We were so close to other people that their bodies touched my body. It’s like having someone take a HUGE step across my personal boundary. I am not okay with that.

I have this thing about personal space. I need it. I thrive on it. Having another body, other than my family, in my personal space leaves me feeling anxious and overwhelmed. If not removed from the closeness, I begin to sweat and get nervous. I just don’t like the closeness.

Here I was with about half a dozen people in my personal space, and I was not happy. My son was in the last group to perform, so leaving after his performance still left me standing there for the duration of the entire performance.

Shifting from foot to foot from my back aching, I made jokes with my husband to keep my mind off my anxiousness so my stomach didn’t become upset as well. I was ready to see my little monkey perform so I could get the hell  out of there fast!

I decided at that moment that maybe PTA events are NOT my thing after all. If this is what it’s all about, count me out! No thanks.

After picking up my son from his classroom, I ran outside. After locating the rest of the family, I urged them to run to the car, too. I no longer wanted to be there. Despite my body pains from the morning’s exercise, I ran all the way to the car. My kids looked at me weird, and I told them, “If you ever see mommy run, you should run, too.” haha

Once we got home, it was the torturous ordeal of making Valentine’s Day cards for their classmates AND homework. Our dining room table looks like a war zone of love and sweat.

Finally, at nine (an hour past their bedtime), the kids went to bed. My husband and I ate dinner a few minutes ago, and now we are settling down for the night.

It has been a long, exhausting day, but it has been filled with first time experiences that we will never forget.

Disclaimer: Please understand that everyone is different in their journey with fibromyalgia and/or chronic illness. This is my journey, my stories, my vulnerability to share with you in order to help in some way. It is in no way to compare my journey with yours or to minimize your pains, feelings, or experiences. Please do not comment with any negativity.

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