I asked my husband to share his story of me having fibromyalgia. What it has been like for him these past few years. This is the first time I have heard his feelings about my chronic illness, and to be honest I was shocked. He has always seem to be the stronger one during those dark days so I was surprised to read how much it affected him as well. Sharing his story made me open my eyes to how my illness can truly affect my loved ones. Fibromyalgia affects everyone!
My husband’s story of fibromyalgia
In February of 2006, we had our first child, Gabriel. My wife had to have an emergency induction, and he was born four weeks early. I knew this procedure would have a physical effect on her, but what came next, I knew would have longer lasting repercussions. We became pregnant with our second child six short months after Gabriel’s birth.
The stress of having two young children within fifteen months was difficult to bear at times. We were brand new parents to one child, and before we could even grasp parenting, we had a second child.
At first I thought stress and sleep deprivation was causing her pain. I always assumed that time would heal, and she would return to be the active, stress-free person I grew to know and love.
This was not the case. She was getting worse with no clear cause.
Needless to say, it was an emotional time for us. She would have regular doctor’s appointments and they all told us the same thing, “Time will heal. Take medication.” This wasn’t an appropriate solution. She only had the option to take some over-the-counter medicine and rest which only subdued the pain, not relieve it.
Before long, we had our third and fourth children. I think the last pregnancy is what triggered her in a downward spiral. It wasn’t only just the pain that was taking its toll; it was also mood swings and depression. So many days I would come home from work to find her crying upstairs in our bedroom because of the pain. All I could do was hold her and reassure her.
I couldn’t empathize with her pain. She resented me for that. What could I do? I felt helpless. I hated it. The person I love most in this world was being attacked and there was nothing I could do about it.
The strongest person I’ve ever known is crying to me for help. Many nights I would cry while she slept; praying to a God I’m not sure exists in the hopes that someone or something will hear me. She does not know this until now.
I tried, and still try to help around the house more, and help out where I can. I like to think that my efforts make a difference, but her constant painful cringes and crying tell me otherwise.
In December 2012 she found a doctor that solidified the notion that this in fact was a condition. Finally!!! Now we have a plan, and we have a means of controlling it. Unfortunately there is no cure for chronic pain and fibromyalgia. I wish I could take the pain from her.
I know she’s strong enough to fight for her well-being. She can now take part in physical therapy, and she is always finding natural remedies and ways to manage her pain.
The person she is today is a complete 180 from the person she was a year ago. Her mood swings are non-existent, and her depression is manageable. I know that if she can fight through this, then I can fight with her. I will never truly understand her pain. Helping her, and supporting her is the best that I can do. I can only hope that others that suffer with this physical affliction can find their strength. Every day my wife impresses me, and every day I admire and love her that much more for her strength.
What a wonderful husband. So sorry to hear of how much pain you have been in. Gentle hugs, my friend.
Thank you!
Wow, it is always hard to hear it from the perspective of someone else. That is so hard. I am thankful like me, that you have found an amazing husband who supports you through this all.
Yes, God really did bless me with an amazing husband! I’m glad I asked for him to write it because I had no idea he felt that way until I posted it.
Pingback: Weekend Blogging Bash - a linky party!
Pingback: Fibromyalgia and Kids
This is so true. I know that I changed overnight when my cortisol got out of control and my body quit processing my thyroid hormones. We reached a point that we thought I might not survive and it was terrifying. I can remember my husband climbing out of bed to lie with me on the floor as I screamed in pain and helping me crawl to the bathroom to be sick. There were days I had to ask him to leave work because I couldn’t stay concious long enough to take care of our kids appropriately and days he spent running back and forth between the hospital where I was and the house to take care of the kids. Like you, I’ve recoverd quite a bit, but will never be who I once was. I know I’m bitter about it sometimes, and I wonder if he is as well. Thank goodness we have these good husbands who stand by us!
Yes, we are blessed to have them! I often wonder if he has a resentment about my chronic illness because I certainly do sometimes. It’s not easy to manage. Thank you for reading his story and commenting to share your experiences.
What a brilliant post, and what a fantastic husband – it’s unusual to hear of fibromyalgia from anything other than the patient’s perspective. I don’t think my wife could write such a precis of my condition. I would be honoured if your husband would allow me to share his perspective of your condition on my ‘Your Stories’ blog on FibroGuys ( https://www.fibroguys.com/your-stories.html ) to highlight FMS from the partner / carer point of view. Please let me know if this would be ok. Thanks for sharing.
Absolutely! Please link back to this post, too. And if there is anything else you’d like to ask him, please use the contact me form. He’ll be home from work this week to take care of me and the family while I recover from my hysterectomy being done tomorrow morning.
Thanks so much Brandi. One quick question – what is your husband’s name? Can I use it in the post, or would he prefer to be anonymous? (Okay, I know that’s two questions!! lol)
I’ll be posting a short snippet on the site with a “read more” link to the blog – both will have links back to your original blog post if that’s ok?
Many thanks again.
Gary
Oh, I forgot to say, best of luck with the op this week! Hope all goes well and you make a speedy recovery.
Take care.
Gary
Thank you!
What a beautiful, honest post from a loving husband.
Thank you. It was an emotional piece for us.
First how do you get your family to understand. Really understand what you are going through. Second I have had this since1995. Year after year and getting worst. More things happening to my body. My sons and husband said they know but can not get the support I need. Right now I am so so deeply depressed they do not understand. I get told snap out of it. Help please need advice!!!!
Thank you for your comment, Rachel. Unfortunately, your family will not understand until they live the daily pain. Here are some tips about telling your kids what is going on with you. Click here. Apply these same principles to your husband and sons. If you need further help, please contact me. Gentle hugs, friend.
Pingback: Comfort of a Mother’s Love – My Fibro Journal